Sunday, July 25, 2010

(Almost) One-Liners from Dad

Dad loves it when new people come out to the ranch, because then he gets to re-use all of his one-liners and pretend it’s new material.  Even Mr. HH, who’s been around for over 10 years, is just now noticing the reruns.  Of course, some of these didn’t start out to be jokes, but after enough use they start to be.  Especially when proven wrong over and over again.

-Good thing you had your mouth open, or that would have got all over your face.  Usually in reference to cow manure.  Or mud.  Hopefully mud.

-Ever wonder why one side of a flock of geese is longer than the other?  There’s more geese on that side.  Newbies fall for this one every time.

-Nah, this isn’t the middle of nowhere, but you can see it from here.  A variation is ‘Go 10 miles past the end of the earth, and make a left, then you’re here.’

-You’ll be fine. See related post on this one.

-You gotta learn sometime.  This was a true favorite of my childhood, as you can imagine.

-Sure, it’ll hold.  We can weld that.  Famous last words, every time.

-He said he’d never seen that happen before.  Not a good thing to hear, especially from the plumber or the vet.

-Come on, you can sleep once the sun gets hot. Huh?  That doesn’t make sense when I’m groggy and sleepy and have to go work cows, and it doesn’t make sense now either.

-This won’t take long.  Want to prove Murphy’s law?  Start a project with these 4 words.  That, or ‘We’ll be done by lunchtime.’  Yeah, right.

-Mosquitoes?  They’re not that bad; the biggest one I’ve seen this year was fighting off a turkey.  Another version involves chiggers as big as raccoons, also always good for a laugh.  Unless you forgot insect repellant, then it’s a lot less humorous.


Dad said...

Great!! Now I can no longer get to ask a newbie if he has ever wondered why when geese fly in a V, one side is always longer than the other and then watch their face as they anticipate some big revelation. My life is ruined!!
Actually the one about "good thing your mouth was open" came from a comment my GrandDad made to my brother who had just passed a cattle truck on his motorcycle and stopped at Granddad's house to wash it all off.

Oh Well!! I have more.


Jen at Cabin Fever said...

Ha. These are great. Made me think of my dad and all the stuff he used to say to me as a kid. And you know... I'd love to experience ranch life once just to say I really know what sayings like this mean.

Mrs. H said...

Great one liners and they're 100% true! Mr. H is a real 'comedian'.

Mr. HH said...

You forgot one of the most frequent I hear. "Shut up and get back to work"

Anonymous said...

Here's a simple one heard often from your both of your grandparents to your Dad and aunts and uncles: "It ain't gonna' kill ya."

carlenehill said...

Your picture of Grandpa's barn is so pretty -- seen from an unusual angle - kinda like some things in life -- makes it even more beautiful.

The Chic Country Cowgirl said...

Oh my goodness, I love your blog! Your dad sounds so sweet and funny.

I can't wait to read through your older posts--I'm absolutely in love with ranch life! I've always lived in town and seriously long to live in the country one day!

Keep up the great work! Thanks for stopping by my blog :)

The Chic College Cowgirl

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