Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Ten Things I Won’t Do Again

In no particular order, just a few lessons I’ve learned on the ranch over the past few years: things to NOT try again.

10.  Compare my wife’s homemade ice cream to her mother’s.  There was really no way to get out of this one once I opened my mouth.

9.  Try to load two 2000-pound bulls in the back of the gooseneck trailer.  Notice I said try, because all I ended up with was a bunch of torn up fence, a beat up trailer, and a gimped up father-in-law.  And some practice on my 50 yard dash.

8.  Stand in the creek and offer to hold the metal panel while my father-in-law welds it to the post.  Electricity+water, need I say more?

7.  Walk in front of the feed truck when I’ve left my wife and mother-in-law unsupervised in the cab.  No, they are not too mature to honk the horn and try to stop my heart.

6.  Put someone on a 4-wheeler without explaining very carefully what will happen if you ride the brakes.  Here’s a hint – they are not supposed to catch on fire.

5.  Try to stack my mother-in-law’s antique glass bowl of leftover Jell0 salad on top of a butter dish on top of a half-full case of Dr. Pepper in the refrigerator.  Anybody sees a pink glass bowl in an antique store, let me know, because I’m still needing one.

4.  Climb into the trailer with 40 calves to try to get them to unload.  I’ve decided I really do need my kneecaps.

3.  Leave my cow-lot fresh manure covered clothes wadded up in a pile on the bathroom floor so that when my wife picks them up, she gets a gooey surprise.

2.  Trust my father-in-law when he says that you can shoot a skunk and drive away in the pickup before the smell gets to you.  He meant you can get away before the smell gets to him.

1.  Decide that it’s too hot to wear long sleeves while welding – after all, it’s only for a little bit.  Yes, but the burns last much longer.  Ever see anybody with a blistering sunburn only on the inside of one elbow?


Jen at Cabin Fever said...

I love this!

And I've definitely done number 6 so tell your wife not to feel so bad. I'll keep my eye out for a pink antique bowl too... haha

Carlene Hill said...

Hey! Guess who is another write in the family. Good list!! I'll watch up here for you in the antique shops, because we all really loved that bowl -- but we love you more -- well, just speaking for myself.

Mrs. HH said...

Jen: It wasn't me - my feet aren't big enough to stand on the foot brake all the time! It was somebody who said 'oh yeah, I've ridden these before'. Uh HUH.

Dad said...

Only ten!!! I can think of a bunch more. I also think I should get a rebuttal post since a couple of them involved disparaging comments about the father-in-law (me).
Mr. H

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