Sunday, July 11, 2010

Ten Things The Son-in-Law Won’t Do Again (The Rest of the Story)

Regarding the Son-in-law’s last post I felt the need to make the following comments and clarifications, ie.  “the rest of the story”.  In the interest of brevity I will refer to the item numbers on his list with a short memory jogger.  Obviously, some numbers  require a bit more comment than others.

10.  Comparing anything of Wife’s to anything of another woman’s.  DUH.  How can young people not know these things?

9.  Loading Bulls.  We were putting the bulls out with the cows last spring, and we already had two in the front part of the trailer and it would save a trip to put two more in the back.  Who knew that bull #3 would decide to literally throw bull #4 at us.  I saw what was about to happen when #3 got his head under #4 just as I was about to close the gate, and I knew it was time to retreat.  My injury was not the result of the flinging of the bull, it was from the stampeding son-in-law who ran over me.  Experience had given me a head start but I hesitated just for a moment to look behind me to see what was making that high pitched screaming sound.  Who knew you could demonstrate the Doppler effect in a loading chute?

8.  Welding in creek.  Someone had to hold it.  I was dry, standing on a dry tree stump I had carefully placed in the creek.  If a guy who flies all the time can absorb more G-forces than a regular guy, why can’t an electrical engineer absorb more amps than normal? I bet there are some breathing exercises you should be practicing.  You turned it loose before the weld stuck good anyway.  It sure is hard to find decent help these days. 

7. Horn honking.  Again, DUH.  Your wife learned that trick at the age of three.  Honk horn—watch Dad jump.  Honk it while he is under the hood and learn new words. 

6.  ATV brakes.  OK, I knew about the brake thing and newbies, but I didn’t really know the brakes would get hot enough for the whole rear end to burst into flames.  That was a new one. 

5.  Breaking antiques.  Better you than me.  I think that bowl was a gift from her great- great-great-something or other who brought it over on a boat or covered wagon or something.  Actually I was relieved when you broke it, because I knew I would have eventually. 

4. Unloading calves.  Again, better you than me.  Someone had to do it, and you didn’t think I was going to climb in there, did you?  That would have been a waste of son-in- law labor.  I am trying to remember if this was before or after the ear piercing scream incident of #7.  One might be related to the other.  By the way, real cowboys turn sideways when the kicking starts. 

3.  Manure in the house-- cow or other.  Double DUH.  Just be thankful it wasn’t your Mother-in-law who picked them up.  If that ever happens with her, here is a bit of advice: when she brings you a special bowl of desert she says is just for you—don’t eat it.

2.  Shooting skunk.  OK, this one might be classified as abuse of the son-in-law.  But in my defense you made several rookie mistakes when you got out of the truck.  For a guy who grew up with a twin brother you are so naïve.  The Kivans knew better than this by age 10.  Here are your mistakes in order:

  • Believed me when I said “you’ll be fine” (see previous posts).
  • Didn’t hear the door lock behind you.  It’s still my story (and I am sticking to it) that you hit the lock with your elbow. 
  • Didn’t test the wind direction before shooting the skunk. 
  • Didn’t notice the truck backing up as soon as you got out. 
  • Again with the screaming.  Have you never been locked out of anything before?

1.  Welding in short sleeves.  Told you so.

--Guest post by Mr.  H. 

(Thanks, Dad!)


Mrs. H said...

There's always another side to the story. Sorry Son-in-law, Mr. H usually has the last word!

Mr. HH said...

Well done on the rebuttal.

I would just like to add one thing. If I remember correctly about the bulls. I said "I don't think this is a good idea. We should make two trips." Then you said "Nonsense, they will fit just fine and I don't want to have to come back, quit being a sissy." So thinking back I don't feel that bad about leaving you behind when the bulls started throwing each other around. I can't be blamed for fast reflexes. I think I should buy a shirt that says, "If I'm running, stay out of my way and try to keep up."

In regards to all the other comments, your right. I should have learned by now.

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